Divorce -

Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette -

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture -

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."

Conference -

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise -

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears -

The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power ...

Dictionary -

A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room -

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic -

A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile -

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office -

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn -

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. -

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee -

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience -

The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb -

An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher -

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat -

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist -

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist -

A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in mid-fall: "See, I am not injured yet."

Miser -

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father -

A banker provided by nature.

Criminal -

A guy no different from the rest ... except that he got caught.

Boss -

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician -

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor -

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

(anonymous)